Think I am ready to divulge...
Here I sit with a giant hemorrhoid (it feels as big as Alaska but I'm told its a blueberry...allegedly) sore boobs and a nasty incision...what better time to tell the sordid tale?
Little Beau certainly made his entrance. Last Sunday I felt contractions on and off most of the day. Big Wave and I took the dogs for their usual hilly walk in the morning and I felt things were definitely going to progress. I just had that feeling of heaviness. I stayed at home for the rest of the day - pottering around, changing location. I think I started to time the contractions around lunch time and they stayed pretty much every five to ten minutes throughout. It must have been at about 8 pm when I had one that made me clutch the railing. Then they started to be every two to three minutes and I thought it was probably time to head in to hospital.
My lovely neighbor and friend 'M' and BFF 'K' were going to assist me on this birthing journey. I let Big Wave off the hook since it wasn't really about him this time. M picked me up in the car and we made our way to the hospital. I would like to say we got there about nine o clock but I am not sure of the exact time. Sis and I's first mistake was not pre-registering at the hospital. We had meant to get our paperwork in but just didn't get to it. So we were not in the system and I was put in a triage area till they got the paperwork sorted out. The contractions had fallen off slightly so I think the nurses thought I was bs'ing. What they don't know about me is that I am a silent laborer (well at least at the beginning!!!!) and I try not to make a huge fuss...I am British for Gawd's Sake!
After paperwork, they checked me...4 cms and 80% effaced. They then called Dr. Ice Cream who apparently was in a foul mood having just been woken up. He said not to admit me straight away (big mistake Dr. IC...I gave him hell later on...). He told the nurses "4 cms...that's what she was at my office on Wednesday...tell her to walk around a bit and pray for change"...
Those words are stuck in my head now. I, needless to say smacked them out of Dr IC when he grovelled for forgiveness post-birth.
So M and I walked the halls. BFF K thought we were in it for the long-haul and went home to change into sweats. Pretty soon though, the contractions started to get gnarly and close. I did my best in the hallway...leaning against the walls and breathing. Soon though there just seemed to be one big contraction and no break in between. I asked M if it had been an hour and she said not quite. Still I was done in and wanted to lie down. I knew the birth was imminent and wanted to get to my pillow so I could get on all fours and rock a bit!
Again the nurses were a little nonchalant... Oh sure honey, you go lie down in triage, we'll check you in a bit...
Well I was already 8 cms and beginning to get the dreaded shakes of the transitional stage of labor. Finally I was admitted to the room. Dr IC was called and told to get there asap. They tried to get an IV line in...but I just recall shaking so much and feeling the desire to push out the wee boy.
Dr. IC walks in just as the hospital's in house doctor is about to break my water. Thank God he showed up in time. Anyway, the water breaks and Beau's heart-rate starts to falter. I am 10 cms and need to push. We do so for 45 mins. There is little progress. I just don't feel that my pushes are effective and he doesn't seem to budge. Dr IC tries to use the vacuum and I just feel his enormous Muppet hands messing around with me! Finally he calls it. Emergency c-section.
To be honest the rest is a blur. I see Sis's anxious face and want to cry and then they whisk me off, shaking like a leaf, wanting to push, having contractions....
I was relieved when finally I was knocked out in the OR - no time for an epidural..just a General! Bring on the anesthesia I tell you...remove me from this hell!
Apparently Beau was born nine minutes after leaving the birthing room at 11.51 pm. The hospital were very proud of their handling of the "Code Green". Baby looked good considering he too had had a General...he was a little pale but was breathing well after five minutes. He was whisked off to NICU and Dr. IC sewed me back up...apparently drained an ovarian cyst while he was down there....as you do...
I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a bus and that my throat was on fire. You have got to be kidding me with this pain! I heard them say they were letting my husband in and I was thinking...no, no...that man out there is my sister's husband, he will pass out if he sees me like this. When Big Wave walks into the room... I think perhaps I have been in a coma for 20 years and am waking up to see my daughters married and Beau in the military... Then through the haze, I see that Big Wave still has the sweatshirt on that I left him in and the same amount of gray hair - well maybe a bit more...
I can only say one word..."Baby". I remember thinking, God please tell me that that little angel boy is ok after our long and wonderful ride together, please tell me he is ok. The nurses start to give me the details. The baby is fine, he was fine when he left the OR. They are sorry about my pain. There was no time for an epidural so I have to wait for a morphine drip...this has to come from I think... Timbucktoo...judging by how many hours it took to get it! In the meantime, here is some other lame-ass pain killer beginning with a D...not Darvocet...something else.
So that is how I brought my little passenger into the world after 40 long weeks. Come on...the story is a little soap opera-ish anyway! Only right that it would have a dramatic ending. BFF K at some point in my recovery brings in a picture on her camera of Sis and J bending over the babe in NICU with tears of adoration in their eyes. They both look like deer caught in the headlights. This was just what I needed to see. I had helped them go from a couple to a family...complete at last. Wow! Guess the oven could finally be turned off.
And really, this last week has been WOW all over! Meals arriving, flowers everywhere. My marvellous friends and parents cleaning my house, rubbing my feet, driving me everywhere and paying attention to my four lovely girls who have been patient and loving throughout this whole journey - though I think they will be glad when Mom is finally back and somewhat normal again!
And over on another side of town, Beau thrives. Visitors drop by bringing gifts and offers to just hold him so Sis can have a break. I have never experienced such an outpouring of love and support. I am blown away. Something like this makes you realize the true value of friends both here in town and the ones who call from the UK or miles away. I have never felt so cocooned and so much part of a community. Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone.
Every moment of the Beau's roller-coaster journey has been worth it for me. Just to see his little miracle body growing and changing and the ridiculous newborn expressions he makes! He is here at last! Plenty of reason to celebrate and be grateful. And I certainly am grateful...every day... for the fact that I could make this happen with my very clever body and the help of a lot of science, brilliant doctors and many wonderful friends. Beau is a wee man, a person in his own right - a son, a grand-son, a beloved cousin and a most treasured Nephew. Welcome James Beau Tor...welcome to this crazy world.
And now I am going to step into the shower and sob uncontrollably...
Cheers wee man!
